Tuesday, January 23, 2007

60 Ways to Keep Your Wife's Love: Guaranteed!

I always believed that there were no guarantees in life... but hey, I could be convinced. Here are 60 ways Muslim husbands can keep their 'oppressed' wives loving them by Sheikh Ahmad Shehab (first time I heard of him but he seems pretty good). CLICK HERE. And those brothers who are not married, maybe this is a good start to start memorizing some tips.

The Sheikh did mention that it was not necessary to know every one of the 60, but you should aim to be a Champion... so, are YOU a champion Muslim guy? Or are you going to be wimpy and only learn 30 of them?

Want to earn some money?? Here's a challenge: the first one to list all 60 from the lecture (post under comments) gets $5! Paypal'd to you!

More challenges: List another valid 5 (beyond the 60 mentioned by the Sheikh), and you'll earn another $5. We'll stop at 100 so I can stop my wallet from bleeding, if we get there!

THE CHALLENGE IS ON...

38 comments:

abu ameerah said...

As'Salaamu Alaikum...

I don't know if the speaker mentioned it or not (i doubt he did) but I have another way to keep the love of your wife:

COACH Bags.....you would be utterly amazed to see the response you get by just purchasing one of these dumb bags (purses). Its just that simple.

You don't have to say "I'm sorry"..."I'm wrong dear"...."I promise I'll never do it again"... NOTHING....just show up at the house with a COACH bag - and your in the clear!

(sorry for appealing to the somewhat materialistic nature of women -- it aint my fault since i don't control human genetics)

At least use the COACH Bag method if all others fail (original 60)...

-abu ameerah

Muslim Apple said...

I agree with the Coach bag suggestion, no doubt about it.

saba said...

sorry but I don't agree with that. I call this 'buying off' the problem!

Amad said...

As long as it works, what's wrong with buying off the problem? Its all HALAL :)

You see men sometimes can't do the chitty chat, and the sweet-talk, though I am not saying they shouldn't try this at first (its cheaper of course). We are programmed differently. So, if I can pay $20-50 (less on ebay for a counterfeit COACHE) to avoid two hours of "you always do this, or what are you thinking now, or you never have time for us"... I call that a good investment for mental stability.

What da ya think Abu Ameerah? Where's our Buddy-sheikh ExEx? Is he literally an ex-blogger now? How brazen!

It seems no one cares about the challenge to list the 60 items, or add 5 more... for the 5-40 bucks that are burning through my pocket... Maybe a CoachE bag would do the trick?

Amad said...

I forgot to give credit to the blog I stole the link for the video from: i-Muslim.

Anonymous said...

Assalamu'alaikum

Point number 35, "Take the food and put into her mouth."

My comment:
SubhanAllah, I never imagine this one unless the wife is ill. Really, it is better for the husband to help cook once a while and not messing the kitchen. Honestly, this is the one complaint I often heard many times from the sisters, especially during pregnancies and after they just had their babies.

Point number 43, "Help her with the children."

And my comment is to relieve her from her babies once a while. Br Amad, I really want to promote this because sisters are not getting the quality time in halaqas because they're always disturbed by their babies.

abu ameerah said...

As'Salaamu Alaikum wa'Rahmatullah

Amad...a $20-$50 COACH Bag????

C'mon man....i'm cheap...but i ain't that cheap! LOL

You could find knock-off COACH bags and accessories just about anywhere...but there probably made by a 7 year old in some impoverished country! Furthermore, the quality is faaaaaaarrrrr off the standards that our "modern" Muslim sisters/wives are accustomed to.

With regard to EX-EX....well he is a bit busy PULVERIZING students with his final exams...lol...

abu ameerah

AnonyMouse said...

As-salaamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatu,

Like I said on iMuslim’s blog: ROFL!! This lecture made me laugh SO hard, much to the annoyance of my mother, who was nodding in agreement the whole time… but I DID find it insanely hilarious! (Blame it on my being an immature teenager, lol… :P)

Haha, I guess that, as my mother told me, “Wait ‘till YOU get married!” :P :D

Your little sister in Islam,
Mouse

Amad said...

sister anonymous (CAN WE PLS STOP USING ANONYMOUS, AND JUST ANY NAME, LIKE UMM-NOTHING OR SOMETHING)?

At Texas Dawah, baby-sitting was available for infants... so there was the opportunity to use it.

As for dads taking care of infants... I can only relate to personal experience, esp. since I am experiencing it right now. I take care of Jana (my baby girl) whenever it is really needed, like when my wife has to give a halaqa... or at TX Dawah, when she had to give some lecture. For babies that wont stay in baby-sitting, I hope the dads will listen to your request (incl. me) to be more helpful and take turns. And this time, I did notice many dads taking turns with the moms in taking care of kids... that was fresh!

But, to be honest, that's the hardest thing for men. Older kids, no sweat... but babies just have this thing with moms... sometimes they start crying and they ONLY want mom. So, the feeling of helplessness is too much for me, and I suspect many men. Esp. if the babies are naturally-fed.

Muslim Apple said...

Ahmad Shehab - 60 Ways to Keep Your Wife's Love - Guaranteed
1. Make her feel secure and sakinah - don't threaten her with divorce
2. Give sincere salaams
3. Treat her gently - like a fragile vessel
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere
5. Be generous with her
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart
7. Avoid anger, keep wudu at all times
8. Look good and smell great for your wife
9. Don't be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken
10. Be a good listener
11. Yes for flattery, No for arguing
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, names she loves to hear
13. A pleasant surprise
14. Preserve and guard the tongue
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings
16. Give sincere compliments
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family
18. Speak of the topic of her interest
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is
20. Give each other gifts
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her
22. Have a good opinion of each other
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don't nitpick
24. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses
25. Expect and respect her jealously
26. Be humble
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers
28. Help at home, with housework
29. Help her love your relatives, but don't try to force her
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you
31. Remember your wife in dua
32. Leave the past for Allah subhanahu wa ta ala, don't dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don't act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family
34. Take shaytaan as your enemy, not your wife
35. Put food in your wife's mouth
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect
37. Show her your smile
38. Don't ignore the small things, deal with them before they become big
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within halal boundaries
43. Help her take care of the children
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments
45. Sit down and eat meals together
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice
47. Don't leave home in anger
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home
49. Encourage each other in ibaadat
50. Respect and Fulfill her rights upon you
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, "Don't jump on her like a bull"
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don't take it outside
54. Show care for her health and well-being
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal
60. Have a good intention for her

Amad said...

Muslim Apple: You just earned yourself 5 dollars... more importantly, you likely earned yourself many more ajr dollars than I could ever offer.

Folks: there is still more on the table... since you have the list now, can you come up with 5 more?

Canadian Muslimah said...

Here's my attempt :)

1. During Ramadhan, 6 days of Shawwal,Mondays & Thursdays etc. wake up well before fajr and prepare a special wholesome suhoor for her

2. Feed her the suhoor you made for her :)

3. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the 2 of you to pray at night whenever you can. Keep it smelling nice and fresh with incense etc.

4. Women love flowers. Make her something special, a decorative jewellery case or even a poem. Then get a bunch of rose petals and make a trail of them on the floor - leading to the gift you made for her.

5. Make a short song about how she looks as radiant as the moon and mention what a beautiful and special creature she is. Sing it to her acapella. The more horrible your voice is, the better :)

Canadian Muslimah said...

About the monetary incentive. I know some people take issue with it because they say it'll affect your niyyah, etc.

But get this.

I personally know a sister and you wouldn't believe her story! She told me that she once entered a Qur'an competition when she was 17. She had never memorised *anything* of Qur'an apart from Al-fatihah and some of the short suwar in the end (like an-Naas, al-Falaq, etc) before the competition.

But the reason she entered the competition was for the $200 cash prize. She didn't end up winning, but she fell in love with the Qur'an and continued in memorising it.

Subhan Allah, a 1 1/2 later she finished memorising the ENTIRE Qur'an. All it took was a $200 incentive.

Which really reminds me of this point br. Amad made: You just earned yourself 5 dollars... more importantly, you likely earned yourself many more ajr dollars than I could ever offer.

khawla hurayrah said...

ooops!!
Assalamu'alaikum

Jazzakumullahu khairan for addressing baby sitting for the sake of Allah.

Forgive me for causing so much stress by using 'anonymous' but isn't that one of the option given? Actually, I just wanted to post my comment quick and didn't really know how, except anonymous for last choice.
What about khawla hurayrah?

Oh just wish to add one point on Ways to make the wife love...
- Teach the wife the famous long hadith of A'ishah RH about Umm Zarr.

khawla hurayrah

isa said...

Asalaamu Alaikum

Give her a nice massage when she leasts expects it. Allah knows best

Amad said...

sister Khawla Hurayrah: I wasn't stressed about the anonymous thing... I think the all-caps may have given the wrong impression :) I just was emphasizing that you can choose any name, its still anonymous pretty much, but at least when ppl respond to each other, its easy to refer by a name, rather than anonymous #3 who said so and so!

Ok Canadian Muslima, Great JOB! You earned yourself $5 and Jannah dollars. Pls email me at amad at carsreloaded dot com with your paypal email address, so I can complete the transaction! By the way, competitions are great... they have been used by Muslims to achieve great things... like Safi Mubarakpuri (RH)'s book "Sealed Nectar" was part of the competition on the Seerah. So, we should race in acts of hasanah.

Let me earn myself a my own $5 (heavily electronically biased):

1) Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love
2) Send your wife an email without a reason
3) Go out on a date (yes dates WITH YOUR WIFE are HALAL after marriage!) monthly or set up some schedule and follow it religiously, WITHOUT the kids.
4) Plan a get-away for a weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids (may be stuck with infants).
5) Do something for your wife's family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you LOTS of brownie points.

So... we are up to 70 now... still 30 more to go, CAN WE DO IT? Br. Isa has provided us another one... you can use it for your 5 (its ok to cheat).

Hakim said...

You don't have to say "I'm sorry"..."I'm wrong dear"...."I promise I'll never do it again"... NOTHING....just show up at the house with a COACH bag - and your in the clear!

That was insulting to women, I pray it was in jest. Are there any married women commenting on this topic? If not then we are preaching to the choir.

The gentleness and kindness prescribed by the Prophet of Islam (s.a.w.s.) is the best way to keep your wife and is the most guaranteed.

The Prophet (s.a.w.s.) said,
"Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a rib. The part of it that is most bent is the top. If you try to straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it alon it will remain bent. So treat women kindly." (Bukhari and Muslim)

For all those unmarried men who are unaware of what this implies a woman's breaking is her divorce from you. Also notice the emphasis on treating women kindly... our Prophet never says anything arbitrarily... he said "treat women kindly twice", the second time as a reminder of your first duty to her.

I am married and I have treated my wife gently, kindly and I have also erred and treated her harshly. I stand and affirm that the former is the best thing a husband can do!

maa' salaama

Amad said...

Salam Br. Hakim, jak (jazakallahkhair-- i'll be using this acronym more often) for chiming in.

It was indeed all in jest. But you do make an interesting point because on Ruth's blog, a lady by the name of Jane, found the comments "horrid". I think she misplaced the humor as well. So, for comments, I encourage everyone to put smilies or humor alerts, just so it is not misunderstood.

Also, to be honest, there is another reason it had to be a joke. Because Muslim women usually are a lot smarter than their husbands (I think they should all be lawyers), so IF I every showed up with a COACH/COACHE bag, the first question would be, "What are you trying to buy off now", and it will be downhill after that. So, you really, usually, can't buy off a serious problem, and I recommend not even trying it for 2 reasons: You just wasted some serious money, and you just made it worse because now the wife is thinking that this guy wont even try to solve the problem, and now he's trying to bribe me?? How dare he? :)

So, use gifts as surprises... and when they are related to a problem, try to solve the problem first, then pop up the gift. It will mean a lot more...

By the way, so anyone doesn't think I am preaching to others, all these advices are first to me, then to anyone else... I don't count myself in the elite husband category!

khawla hurayrah said...

Assalamu’alaikum
I think brother Hakim would want his reward prize. This is the best advice of all, for the Prophet peace be upon him was the best to his wives. He said to A’ishah RA: “I am the best to you like Abu Zarr to Umm Zarr except that I will never divorce you.” We should all try to emulate the Messenger (SAW). Further more there are not enough Coach bags that can win a woman’s heart if her Deen is defective to start with. Wealth cannot buy happiness (well not all the time, look what happened to Christina Onasis and Princess Diana.)

So, hopefully, I can add another few points to br Amad’s:

1. If the husband needs to give her advice of something delicate, tell her with wisdom, good timing and when she is in good health without the woes of menses.
2. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time. Ibn Abbas reported to having said: “I fear Allah from demanding my rights from my wife for I worry that I will not be able to fulfill mine of hers”
3. Open the door for her and help carry her humongous ‘Couch’ or Target bags. Ha ha ha
4. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.
5. Ask her if she would like to invite her sister-friends over for ladies get together dinner and cook for them too!!! Ha ha ha
6. Continue with her practice of giving gifts to her parents and siblings. Ask her what she thinks they might be in need of. Only if one can afford it.
7. Help her parents pay off debt or if they are ill. Send her poor relatives some money every year in Ramadhan and also for them to sacrifice for Udhiah during Eid ul Adha. Or even offer to send them to make Hajj if one can afford it.
8. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading for her to find. Also place them in her jacket pocket or drawer.
9. If the wife tell the husband something that she had just learned from the Qur’an or hadith book, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.

My husband is always kind and generous to me and my family, Alhamdulillah. So “Couch” bags or Target bags do not really bother me.

saba said...

As long as it works, what's wrong with buying off the problem? Its all HALAL :)

it maybe halal but it is not one of the best things to do to your wife. As I said, buying off the problem is not the solution to the problem.

Because Muslim women usually are a lot smarter than their husbands (I think they should all be lawyers)

Muslim women are also more reasonable and understanding!
If husbands only take time out to communicate the problem, that will be much more meaningful to the wives then a COACHE bag. Sometimes, wives just want some 'time' some 'attention'.

Amad said...

salam.. ok Khawla, you got 10 mashallah (well 9 + 1 from Isa)... so you earned yourself $10, and we are at 80 now mashallah!

Sister khawla Hurayrah, email me please at amad at carsreloaded dot com so I can send you the $$... you earned it!

Where are the brothers???

Abdu said...

salaam,

I'm still trying to figure out what a COACHE bag is. :)

khawla hurayrah said...

Assalamu'alaikum
SubhanAllah, br Amad, I am sure you meant what you said about the $10, Jazzakumullahu khairan. Please go to the store for me and buy Umm Jana a big watermelon for her. If she doesn't like it get other fruits that she does.


Hei, just remember another point. Why not plan to take the wife for next Hajj or Umrah if this have not been performed yet, better than Coach bags.

Can anyone describe what "coache" bag to Brother Abdu please....

Amad said...

wasalam... sister, you'll spoil the competition if you don't take the money... you can give it in charity if you wish! If you are concerned about privacy (valid concern), and absolutely don't want to get your prize, I'll put it in the Masjid charity box then...

Abdu: Coache are the Coach bags made in Pakistan in a small dark factory... in other words, COUNTERFEIT... you have obviously not followed this joke through, have you?

Umm Reem said...

hmm...so where is my watermelon?! :)

khawla hurayrah said...

Assalamu’alaikum
Br Amad, I absolutely wish for that reward in term of some Hasanat for my good record keeping (don’t mean to spoil this competition). You can sure give it to the Masjid but I think Umm Reem has already asked for her watermelon.

Hei, here are some more points to make the wife love her husband:

1. Hei, why not take her for Hajj or Umrah if this have not been performed yet, better than couch bags. (mentioned in previous post)
2. Plant her, a rose garden!!! Or better plant her, a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking. I remember one sister just made a comment to herself while she was preparing a salad dressing and there was no lemon and she said something like: “It would be nice to have a lemon tree in the backyard, we could just pick one fresh and squeeze on our salad.” Glory be to the Creator, the next day her husband came late from work; stopped by the local plant nursery and bought a lemon tree with full of lemon fruits hanging on it!!! Came home, gave salam to her and said: “lemon tree, lemon tree, very pretty, and lemon flower is sweet, but the fruit of the lemon is nice for my wonderful wife to eat.” Now, every time she looks out the window, she remembers that funny moment.
3. Adopt a kitten for her if she likes animal (only if one knows how to care for cats)
4. Get her a new car to replace her old problematic banger; or take her car for maintenance and wash it too.
5. Upgrade her pc or lap-top to a new version with bigger memory; or upgrade her cell phone to the one with itunes and download her favorite Surah recitors.
6. Learn to do special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise. (This one was mentioned during the TDC lecture for sisters only program)
7. Teach your children some relevant Islamic etiquettes pertaining to respecting and honoring their mother.
8. Be humorous with her when she made a mistake in the kitchen, like putting too much salt or burnt her baking. And never ever threaten her that you’ll take a second wife. Ha ha ha.

Umm Reem and Jana, Assalamu'alaikum, I hope you'll get your watermelon soon.

Umm Reem said...

Sister Khawla, were u there at TDC? So was I!

-Umm Reem

Aideh said...

lol these are good. I hope the brothers are takin notes. LOL.

khawla: "And never ever threaten her that you’ll take a second wife. Ha ha ha"

lol. atleast not till you're 50. this one should be number one.

Amad said...

salam... with Sister khawla hurayrah's 8 additional... we stand at 88... 12 away from 100?? Who will help us get to the finish-line??

void said...

I know its late,
but was just wondering about a list of 60 points that wives can do for their husbands to make them happy...

it would be nice to hear from the same sisters who added points, what they would be willing to do for their husbands, maybe like ask the husband to drop her at her mother inlaw's place coz she just soooo loves her ... :) (yup this is a smiley)

Amad said...

void, perhaps we'll do that on the new muslimmatters.org blog...
stay tuned.

khawla hurayrah said...

And for women are rights over men similar to those of men over women. (2:226)

My humble caution to all wives: If you honestly think that you really deserving all those points mentioned here, then you should ask yourself over and over again.... do you merit such good treatment from your husband?

And to all husbands out there: The Prophet peace and blessings be upon him said:

"The best of you is the best of you toward his family (i.e., wife) and I am the best of you toward my family (wife)." At-Tirmidhi & others (sahih)

khawla

Amad said...

OK, the new post on the NEW blog is on... time to please the hubby!

See link here

Anonymous said...

Peace to you,

Do you really think all the muslims are dying to get your 5 bucks? Come on get a life!

Wassalam.

Anonymous said...

Regarding the coach bag thing..I think it just depends on the background/upbringing of the wife..this aint no surprise im sure but some sisters can be appeased and pleased with money things.

im not saying all women dont got a soft spot for 'stuff' but some more than others. thats how human nature is i guess eh.

SisterGlam said...

Salaam,

The coach bag idea was cute, i dont understand why everyone always gets so serious and dismisses things that are not strictly from the quraan and sunnah. Its a cute/funny gift idea...let it be! Its not like the brother who wrote it intended on insulting or degrading sisters..just mentioned a soft spot!

also here are some things that my father does with out being asked or told that we dont think twice about or appreciate, but nonetheless they're nice things that we dont have to worry about alhumdulillah

1)Collect the trash around the house and take it out in a timely manner

2) Keep up with all the utilities and bills and pay them on time, preferably in an organized manner (subhanallah my father takes care of this so well, that we never find out when he takes out the time to do it..and that if it was ever up to us, lol our water and electricity would be cut off)

3)picking up groceries on the way back from work! (it is really a HUGE help!)

------------
some other things that would be sweet:
1) take your significant other on a trip! surprises are always welcome!

2)buy her new furniture/major appliances/household use items that she would be pleased to see...to lighten her work load =)

3)(if you have the money) hire an interior designer/general contractor to re-do a room or a portion of the house..or get the entire flooring re-done...a little change can go a long way, and will really let her know that you DO notice the little things!

(if the cash is a little of the tough side) then send her out with friends one day, while you and some friends get together and paint the bedroom a nice shade she would prefer, and add a few personal decorative touches, not to mention a nice bouquet of flowers always helps with the wow factor!

Hope I didnt offend anyone and my ideas/opinions were helpful!

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